Constantinople, 685 AD
Emperor Constantine passed away this morning after a short illness.
He is to be succeeded by his son Justinian, age seventeen. We
shall miss the old Emperor but our hearts are strengthened to
know he has left our fate in such capable hands.
Constantinople, 690 AD
Today Justinian implemented a new progressive taxation policy,
declaring that the rich were to be taxed more heavily than the
poor. This novel idea is a matter of great discussion in the Senate,
some members of which will be taxed for the first time. The Senate
(of which this editor is a member) is expected to support this
wise new taxation plan, support due in no small part to the presence
of Imperial Guards surrounding the Senate House.
Constantinople, 695 AD
Citizens rejoice, the monster has been deposed! Justinian has
been replaced by his general, the most noble Leontius. In an act
of noble clemency, Leontius has spared the life of the rapacious
Justinian and has simply slit his tongue, cut off his nose and
exiled the beast to Cherson. Disfigured so, Justinian is disqualified
for the throne and will trouble we Romans no more.
Constantinople, 698 AD
Citizens rejoice, at last a real man sits on our throne. Apsimar
has returned from a failed attempt to retake Carthage and has
seized Constantinople after a four month siege. Leontius now bears
a striking resemblance to Justinian in the nose department and
has been banished to a monastery. Apsimar will rule under the
name Tiberius, and will no doubt rule long and well.
Constantinople, 703 AD
The beast is loose! Justinian has left Cherson for the Khazar
barbarians. The swine has reportedly been welcomed by the Khazar
Khan and has even been given the Khan's daughter for his bride.
This noseless troublemaker will soon face Emperor Tiberius' wrath;
the emperor has threatened the Khazars with war if they don't
hand Justinian's head over immediately - attached or not.
Constantinople, 704 AD
Justinian, the spineless slug, has shifted again. The Khazars
made the only intelligent choice and attempted to return Justinian
home to face justice. But Justinian, with the Devil's own luck,
eluded capture and ran for cover among the Bulgars, a people he
had made war on sixteen years before. No doubt the Bulgars, fearing
our wrath, will soon be returning Justinian to us a piece at a
time.
Constantinople, March, 705 AD
The treasonous dog, the vile worm, our noseless nemesis Justinian
has begun to march on the Imperial City. Issuing from the Haimos
Mountains with his barbaric followers, this slit-nosed monstrosity
thinks he can gather enough support to regain the throne he previously
disgraced. Armies are being led north to put an end to his delusions.
Constantinople, May, 705 AD
Former emperor Justinian and his Bulgur allies have reached the
Black Sea coast at Messimbra, captured the city and are now marching
south toward the Imperial City. While some of the troops sent
to stop this attempted usurpation have defected enough remain
to keep Emperor Tiberius safely on the throne.
Constantinople, July, 705 AD
The forces of Emperor Justinian have reached the walls of Constantinople
and are calling for the remainder of the army to open the gates
and allow him into the city. Emperor Tiberius has been mocking
Emperor Justinian from the city ramparts and daring Emperor Justinian
to try to storm the walls of God's City. Reinforcements are expected
from the East momentarily.
Constantinople, August, 705 AD
Rejoice Citizens! The proper Emperor, the heir of Heroclius, Emperor
Justinian sits on the throne again! The traitor Leontius and the
tyrant Apsimar have been captured and forced to kneel before the
properly anointed Emperor of the Romans. Emperor Justinian sent
these snakes to the fate they deserved - their heads sit on pikes
above the city gate. It's nice to see how these things work out
for the best.
Please turn to page 26 to read a review of Constantinople's latest fashion; artificial golden noses. A bit of gold, two bits of string, and you too can look royal...